I asked my dad to give me the credentials of Mr. Perfect and he was happy to oblige. He had already assembled his...
Top 5 Reasons To Date Brother E.C.
1) Spiritual. Current E.Q.P. in his family ward. (Yawn)
2) Educated. Applying to
. (Impressive) Medical School
3) Funny. Laughed at all my dad’s jokes. (Kiss-ass)
4) Handsome. Stake’s most eligible bachelor. (Boring)
5) Good Family. His mom wasn’t bi-polar. (Vital)
Mr. Future-Favorite-Son-In-Law showed up --with flowers no less-- so far so good. I invited him in where we sat down and started the getting-to-know-you process. He was all the things my dad had ranted and raved about…yet so much more. There was no awkwardness or uncomfortable silence, though he kept saying over and over and over again how nervous he was. Despite his eyes being a little crimson colored and appearing a little fidgety, the entire evening felt seamless. He was quick to laugh at just about everything I said, which I didn’t find to be abnormal…I may or may not be the funniest person I know. As we headed out the door he mentioned that he was a little hungry. So in spite of the fact that we were going to dinner, I offered him something to eat and the next thing I knew he was sitting at my kitchen table looking nothing short of famished. I went to my cupboards and pulled out a box of granola bars. He downed them all in 9.5 seconds flat. I got him some chips and salsa. He diminished them. Gallon of ice-cream. Depleted. Homemade chocolate chip cookies. Devoured. At this point I was fairly astounded that I had finally met a guy who could go head-to-head with my brother’s in an eating contest.
At long last his appetite appeared to be satisfied which meant that hopefully, mine was about to be. He opened my car door and as I climbed in there was an odor that filled my nostrils; one that I knew was familiar but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. A mixture between the stench of a skunk and a pungent, burning herb garden. And then I saw it, a spectacle that made my eyes almost bug out of my head. There on the floor mat next to my feet sat a Ziploc baggie filled with a brilliant hue of emerald green leaves. Something that I believe Snoop Dogg, Willie Nelson or Paris Hilton would refer to as: Pot. Weed. Marijuana. Dope. Grass. Mary Jane. Ganja. T.H.C. Cannabis. Skunk. Hash.
If your date shows up high…UNDATABLE!