If Your Date Shows Up Wearing A Shirt Covered In One Of These...

If Your Date Shows Up Wearing A Shirt Covered In One Of These...
UNDATABLE!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

If The Shoe Fits...

I’m fairly certain that Carrie Bradshaw summed it best when she made the remarkable observation…

“The fact is, sometimes it’s really hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes. That’s why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.”

Years ago I had the unique opportunity to spend a significant amount of time with an award-winning, world-wide renowned actress. Upon her departure she offered me up a new nickname that I instantly became quite proud of…Imelda Marcos. Not only for my love of shoes, but also for the magnitude in which I had accumulated them.

For anyone who truly knows me, they know how much I adore my shoe collection. I love the way they feel on my feet the very first time I slip them on. I love that they have the ability to not only complete an outfit, but to transform it into a living piece of art. I have come to more fully appreciate that they have the capability of making your legs look elongated, all while toning your calves, hamstrings and buttocks. I especially love that they won't ever reject you or make you feel unwanted, neglected or abandoned. And even if you gain 30 pounds due to your post break-up blues, they always seem to offer the perfect fit! They have a way of making me feel a sense of completion that no other relationship has ever offered me. Ultimately, I view my shoe collection as family. From Christian Louboutins to Manolo Blahniks, they have become a true emotional investment of sorts.

This brings us to my latest dating jaunt…from the get-go Mr. GQ Himself was continually, overly exaggeratedly excited about the shoes I would wear when we’d go out. Now, to be clear, I’m not talking about your sweet, standard compliment that one first gives when they have observed something they find impressive regarding the person they’ve been dating. I’m referring more to someone who becomes infatuated, borderline obsessed, with what type of shoes you’ll be wearing out that evening…so much so, that once D-Day (Date Day) arrives, he begins texting you 4 hours prior to picking you up, simply to ask a two-fold question: 1) What shoes you will be wearing when he arrives. And 2) If you could please send him a picture text of said shoes.

I found it even more peculiar that after one of our epic dating adventures I had taken my shoes off on the car ride home and by the time he dropped me off, it had grown exceedingly late. Due to my being overly exhausted I didn’t remember to grab them before heading inside. After a few days of total and complete "M.I.A. Status" of Sir ShoeThief VonHoudini, despite all of the texting, calling and emailing I had done to ask if I could swing by to pick up my latest prized possessions, I opted to do the ever dreaded U.D.B. (Unannounced Drive By) to see if he was home. As I pulled up, I observed his car in the driveway so I headed up the walkway that led to his front door. I instantly regretted my decision when much to my mortification I could see Mr. Creepy McRuPaul through the glass window, prancing around his living room to the latest Justin Bieber hit, in my brand new Chanel Espadrilles Wedges.

If your date is a cross-dresser…

UNDATABLE!



4 comments:

  1. Ha ha ha! Is this a real story, G? Oh my goodness, where do you find these people??

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree where do you meet these girls...er guys!?!?!

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  3. Hello,
    I have a question about your blog. Please email me!
    Thanks,
    David

    ReplyDelete
  4. J...I wish I could say I was making this up. Unfortunately that's not the case though. :(

    David...I emailed you! You're welcome! ;)

    ReplyDelete