The Cat's Meow

He asked me to pick him up, which was okay by me because his car had recently been totaled. Naturally it tugged at my heart strings a little so I had no qualms taking one for the team. Because after all, there is no ‘I’ in TEAM.  However, there is an ‘ME.’ Just something to contemplate…

As I pulled up to his house I remember having the distinct impression how commendable it was that he lived in such an affluent neighborhood…and that his home was remarkably nice. What’s more, he even owned it. I sauntered up his front walkway and instantly collided with an odor so foul, it would be enough to make a grown man cry. (And a Polynesian one at that!) Immediately I started searching for the source of the atrocious stench, starting with my own underarms. But as I was doing so I abruptly remembered it couldn’t possibly be me. Because I don’t sweat, I glisten.

I rang the doorbell and as I waited for my date to answer I was literally compelled to hold my nose due to the aroma that had affixed itself to me much like the Stage 5 Clinger I had just broken up with. Five minutes later there I still stood, extremely light headed and notably dizzy from trying to hold my breath like I was some Olympic Synchronized Gold Medalist or something. At this point I realized I was going to have to let myself in to see what was taking my date so long, or face the embarrassment of having him find me sprawled out on his doorstep, having passed out from the insurmountable stink that hovered over his residence. As I warily opened the door I was met with a scene that due to the graphic nature, could only be described through pictures rather than words:

If your date is scheduled to appear on the next episode of Animal Planet's popular series: Cat Hoarding---Buried Alive...UNDATABLE!