If Your Date Shows Up Wearing A Shirt Covered In One Of These...

If Your Date Shows Up Wearing A Shirt Covered In One Of These...
UNDATABLE!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

He was cute-ish. Definitely not model-esque by any stretch of the imagination. And he suffered from an incurable disease that my friends and I referred to as ‘R.F.’ Or in layman’s terms Rage Factor. Yet the innate requirement that I have to surround myself with guys who are in desperate need of being repaired due to their emotional childhood issues somehow kept me coming back for more. I know, I know…my therapist recently diagnosed me with Rihanna-itis.

A few months into our relationship I found myself walking into a store with Dr. Jekyll to browse for an 80’s movie that we were both desperate to watch. As we entered the premises I noticed an employee standing near the entrance. He casually glanced in our direction and gave us a very nonchalant smile as we passed him. Immediately from my peripheral vision I could see Mr. Hyde’s head execute a seamless impersonation of Linda Blair from the critically acclaimed movie “The Exorcist”. I was already visualizing being forced to clean up the green projectile vomit that I was sure was going to start spewing from his orifice any second now.

"Are you f*ing kidding me?" He bellowed. “You’re really going to flirt with some douche bag right in front of me?!” The poor acne faced 16 year-old employee abandoned his post faster then the dissolution of Britney and K-Fed’s marriage. For those of you who know me I am seldom, if ever, at a loss for words…but he had accomplished something that no one else to date has been able to do…he left me totally, completely and utterly speechless. As I stood there in sheer bewilderment, Mr. R.F.McDoogan’s seething rant persisted. “Do you know why your flirting doesn’t bother me? Because I’m WAY better looking then you are…and I could have ANY girl that I wanted. So you go ahead and keep flirting with these guys because I’m going to have sex with the next girl I see!” And with that he turned around, stormed out of the building and left me there to find my own ride home.

If your date, or a loved one, has recently been diagnosed with R.F. --- UNDATABLE!

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